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chapter 10
Amelia-Rose reached up and drew her hand from a point below his ear to the dimple in his chin. He had dark hair and his eyes were a bluish green that seemed to change color as she gazed up into them.
He took her hand in his and pressed it hard against his face then made the smallest kiss into her palm. His eyes probed hers but she was the first to break the silence.
"Perhaps, with all you knew, you should have slapped me back." Her voice was low and husky.
He traced the side of her face.
"You are too beautiful - I would have been afraid of damaging you."
"There are other places to slap a girl."
Her words floated on the air, mingled with the plants and echoed back from the glass windows.
She deliberately placed his hand low down on her thigh. Then her eyes closed as he responded by sliding his hand across in a caress that created tingles throughout her.
"I'd rather kiss you than smack you," his voice joined hers between the plants and amongst the flowers.
She tilted her head back - eyes hooded.
"Then what are you waiting for?"
His lips crushed down on hers and his arm drew her hips vice-like to him. His tongue found her mouth and his free hand reached for the buttons down the front of her dress. As if from a million miles away, she heard herself begin to sigh and gasp as a wave of overwhelming sensations flooded up inside her.
Then suddenly she pushed him away. Desperately she pressed her hand against his chest, turning aside with tears springing into her eyes.
"I'm sorry. You are going to fast. It's been too long," she said. "I haven't done this before ... It's been too long! I'm scared ..."
John leaned against the bench at the end of the greenhouse breathing heavily but made no attempt to reproach her. He looked disappointed though, baffled and lost for words.
Amelia-Rose avoided his eyes as tears slid gracefully down her cheeks.
"I'm so confused," she sniffed. "I want you but something stops me - it just seems wrong."
Angrily she turned, struggling between desire and fear.
"I feel so stupid. Why does my mind tell me to stop ... it's all so strange... How can part of me want to go on but part of me hold back. I never thought it would be like this. Perhaps it's just too soon after the break-up. I keep expecting Gerard to walk in. I feel unfaithful - it's crazy! I'm crazy!"
She continued sniffing, her voice trembling with sadness.
He moved over to her and put his arms around her but she shrank away again when she felt his desire. Her words were slow and sorrowful.
"Perhaps," she looked up at him - her hand reached for his and held it tight.
"Perhaps," she continued, "some smacking would do me a lot of good ..."
The words hung suspended heavily in the air between them. His eyes widened.
"Perhaps you should take me upstairs," she continued, firmly, "and lay me on the bed and beat me until I come to my senses. For the truth is, I must be crazy. I'm nothing to Gerard but he has me in an emotional prison and I can't escape. How can I be so stupid?"
There was a long silence. Outside birds sang in the bushes, clouds raced by and the wind riffled through the trees.
Without a word, he took her by her hand and walked her through into the lounge and to the foot of the stairs.
He turned to face her catching hold of her other hand. She flinched with the strength of his grip.
"It's not you who is at fault," he said sadly. "I should have known it would be too soon for you. It's me who is at fault. I wont hurt you in any way and I now realize that I shouldn't be here at all."
He drew her forehead forward and hugged it to his chest. She smelled his clean-cut suit and expensive aftershave. He was reassuring and powerful but the thought of giving herself to him filled her with fear.
"You are a far more decent man than I ever thought," she sighed, thankful he'd made the decision for her and accepting his judgment.
She tilted her head back and kissed him lightly on the lips as he opened the door to leave. Then she gently disengaged her hand from his so that she could button up her dress as the door opened.
She hesitated.
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